I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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