i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Randomize
