I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
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My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
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Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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