maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
