remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Your tits are I can't wait for
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Someone signed my nipple.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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