I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
