the new term for farting is butt boxing.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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