K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
