My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Randomize
