I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
