He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
