how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize
