if only i could text you this smell
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
