Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Randomize
