EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Randomize
