Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Acid is not a monday night drug
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
