So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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