There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
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