remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
