HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
