I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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