We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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