I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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