So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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