There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Less talking, more tequila
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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