Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
