i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I love you.
Bad choice
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
