I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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