Betty ford says i'm here all night
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.