Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Floor bacon is actually really good