Texts From Last Night

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  (669): View more from California

  I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.

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  (669): I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation. http://tfl.nu/imft
  Replies (10) Good night (1118) Bad night (830)
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa

  (281): View more from Texas

  what did you steal

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.

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  (832): We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa (281): what did you steal (832): frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list. http://tfl.nu/gckp
  Replies (10) Good night (2139) Bad night (843)
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  (574): View more from Indiana

  how does Santa get into Hogwarts?

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  (574): how does Santa get into Hogwarts? http://tfl.nu/z515
  Replies (48) Good night (5949) Bad night (914)
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  (813): View more from Florida

  How am I a tease?

  (1-813): View more from Florida

  Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.

  (813): View more from Florida

  ONLY PART OF IT.

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  (813): How am I a tease? (1-813): Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away. (813): ONLY PART OF IT. http://tfl.nu/b7xa
  Replies (45) Good night (8350) Bad night (1547)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go

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  (917): Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go http://tfl.nu/7nhi
  Replies (4) Good night (3074) Bad night (1109)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.

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  (973): I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation. http://tfl.nu/5xqx
  Replies (7) Good night (863) Bad night (4498)
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.

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  (480): From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him. http://tfl.nu/9mdh
  Replies (23) Good night (5931) Bad night (1208)
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  (386): View more from Florida

  I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.

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  (386): I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again. http://tfl.nu/wsfw
  Replies (13) Good night (1818) Bad night (1583)
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  (802): View more from Vermont

  I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.

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  (802): I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms. http://tfl.nu/3zhe
  Replies (9) Good night (454) Bad night (1776)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.

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  (405): You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join. http://tfl.nu/8ui9
  Replies (4) Good night (1839) Bad night (582)
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.

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  (832): Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test. http://tfl.nu/gs8m
  Replies (3) Good night (533) Bad night (1346)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.

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  (503): And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence. http://tfl.nu/m69e
  Replies (3) Good night (492) Bad night (284)
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  did you know gatorade and rum go really good together

  (1-210): View more from Texas

  Are you doing depressed science again

  (210): View more from Texas

  maybe

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  (210): did you know gatorade and rum go really good together (1-210): Are you doing depressed science again (210): maybe http://tfl.nu/zjts
  Replies (4) Good night (821) Bad night (400)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.

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  (405): Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month. http://tfl.nu/0lcc
  Replies (3) Good night (592) Bad night (317)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver

  (1-203): View more from Connecticut

  Pedi-lyte stocked

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  (203): Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver (1-203): Pedi-lyte stocked http://tfl.nu/s7oc
  Replies (0) Good night (501) Bad night (234)

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