Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
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My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
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In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.