Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
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