Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
