I bet he comes in French.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
