the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
