just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
