you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
