Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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