I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
