I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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