i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
