Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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