Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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