Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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