Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
