Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
