dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
