we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
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I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
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That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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