Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
