Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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