sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
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