I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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