You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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