i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
