I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Someone signed my nipple.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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