Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
