i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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