i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
