I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
