You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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