So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
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