Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
