My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I think my vagina is haunted
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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