I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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